Not a day goes by that I don’t have some small child stop me on the street and ask me to explain to them the meaning behind my internet screen name. So gone are the days of me pushing that child aside and continuing towards the Pink Berry, put the iTunes on mute and read along as I tell you the two-part tale of the Spungo…

Part I: An Origin

The Spungos first appeared to me in an episode of the Simpsons entitled, “Sunday, Cruddy Sunday”. In the episode, Homer and gang go on a trip to the Super Bowl, but it’s no ordinary trip. No, this trip is filled with comic mischief and unrealistic cartoon events and imagery! In a scene where Homer and the group attempt to enter the stadium, they find out their tickets aren’t exactly what they thought they were…

Ticket Taker: Uhhh, sorry, fellas, but these tickets are counterfeit.

Homer: Counterfeit?

Ticket Taker: Yeah. See, the hologram’s missing, and there’s no such team as the Spungos, and finally, these seem to be printed on some sort of cracker. (Ticket taker takes a bite out of ticket)

Homer: Stop eating our tickets!

Part II: A Destiny

Dateline 2002. A fresh-faced junior in high school, I joined the school newspaper team in hopes of spreading my message of sarcasm and satire to a school just asking to be lambasted. After a year of establishing myself as the school’s own Andy Dick of the printed word through both editorial cartoons and written pieces, a new editor-in-chief took over and decided the newspaper should focus less on fun and more on covering ‘news’ stories like the pack of wild dogs that had just recently taken control of the school’s gymnasium. As I was slowly being pushed aside, an idea began to creep into my once shapely little head. Why not take the idea of a well-renowned satire newspaper like The Onion… and copy it? Thus, The Spungo was born — my school’s first ‘underground’ newspaper and most certainly it’s last (Apparently satire isn’t taught in schools for a reason, young man). The Spungo later headed online — www.angelfire.com/indie/thespungo — and the name has been my online moniker ever since.

Addendum — When pronouncing the word Spungo or the plural Spungos with friends or family, the following pronunciation is the most accepted:

Yes:

spən-gō (spun-go)

No:

spən-jō (spun-joe)

spəng-ō (sponge-oh)

spoon-jō

I type things. People read them. And people friggin’ riot. It invariably happens. Doesn’t matter what I type or how I type it, people are gonna frick the hef out. Do people get upset when I say (non-computer version of typing) the usual things that I tend to say usually? No, quite the contrary — people laugh. For you see, when people hear me speak they laugh, more often than not. Instead of getting upset with me and banning me from their house and/or club (non-computer version of a website), people will laugh and say things like “Jesse, you’re witty” or “Jesse, you’re pretty”. Usually the latter is spoken by those who aren’t quite able to discern between the words ‘handsome’ and ‘pretty’ and the situations in which to use them, but I digress — people away from computers find me harmless, not unattractive, and rarely impolite. Yet certain individuals on the internets find me repulsive, arrogant, and possessing a somewhat Hitler-esque quality, which has always made me wonder if it was my fault or the fault of the individuals and their interpretations of my words.

So why do people interpret me this way? Why am I assumed to be a malicious e-individual? There’s only one answer — because I’m black.

That’s right, the race card is out and is in play, my e-friends. I am being treated differently online because of the color of my skin, so that makes all of you racist. In fact, right now, I bet you’re picturing me as a Chris Rock type, aren’t you? Yep, you are. You can’t help it, it’s happening, now deal with it. It’s never easy to find out you’re a racist, but this is the situation we’ve all found ourselves in so we best make do. Didn’t like something I typed in a thread about a PC baseball video game the other day? You hate black people. Thought something I typed in a forum came off as threatening and mean? You’d make me drink from a separate water fountain if you could. Can’t stand the way I typed my opinion on the Kansas City Royals? Your great-granddad fought for the confederacy.

While for the most part I’ve come to accept the fact that I will indeed be persecuted for every word I type, no matter the size, no matter the font style, I ask you this one question — do you accept your role? Do you accept the fact that you are misinterpreting another’s online words simply because you’ve pictured him in your mind as being dark-skinned? Is that something that you’re okay with? If so, good for you! You’re sticking to your morals and I respect you for that. Turns out I’m white, so you made a good judgment call there. For all those who questioned their inner beliefs on race and race relations, better luck next time!

So, with this first entry I hope you learned a little about me. For more information on racial tension and the role it plays online, consult your local library, or better yet, surf over to www.blackipedia.com. Welcome to the blog, kids!